The many feelings associated with grief means dealing with loss can feel really hard.
Anxiety, helplessness, anger, sadness, feeling detached from everyday life, or guilt for trying to carry on. The feelings come in waves or bursts for an unpredictable period of time. The experience is different for everyone but there are definitely some common elements in helping people move through what they are experiencing, and eventually moving on to enjoy their life.
Acknowledging, accepting and expressing how you’re feeling is probably one of the most healing things you can do and yet this is something many of us find difficult. I’m going to share why that might be.
The link to childhood.
As a Rapid Transformational Therapist, many of my clients’ presenting issues are as a result of the beliefs they formed when they were just a child and feelings they were unable to express.
So when it comes to our ability to express feelings as an adult, this is shaped by our experience as a child.
As a baby we expressed ourselves – and kept on expressing ourselves – until someone met our needs. As we grow up, we pick up messages from influential people around us; our parents, siblings, relatives, teachers at school, etc and we learn very quickly to modify our behaviour to fit in, stay connected, stay safe and avoid being rejected – the fundamental human needs we all have.
What I’ve experienced in my work is that as children we begin to learn to suppress emotions, for example when we;
- Pick up strong messages that we should be seen and not heard.
- Feel that our voice doesn’t matter or there’s no point because no one listens anyway.
- Learn that crying is a sign of weakness and we must be seen to be strong.
- Became discouraged from expressing how we felt in some other way.
Many parents also suppress their emotions “not in front of the kids” and this is confusing for children because they experience conflicting messages. On one hand they know that something is wrong, but their parents are acting as if nothing has happened. This all affects how well we can regulate our emotions and process them as an adult.
The need to express feelings.
“The feeling that cannot find it’s expression in tears causes other organs to weep”. A phrase the founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy, Marisa Peer often says, also adapted from a Henry Maudsley quote.
In other words, when people aren’t able to express their feelings it creates other issues. It may become persistent feelings of unworthiness, becoming depressed or anxious.
Some people respond to uncomfortable feelings by eating large amounts of food or sweet things that remind them of feeling special and loved. Some people numb or avoid their feelings by drinking alcohol, taking drugs, shopping excessively or gambling. Others focus on trying to control their external environment because of their inability to control what they feel inside.
It’s also not uncommon following the kind of significant change that loss can bring about to feel lost and that life lacks meaning and purpose.
How Rapid Transformational Therapy can help.
Rapid Transformational TherapyTM is a modern, solution focussed treatment that harnesses the healing power of the mind to help people overcome and heal many issues, typically in just 1-3 sessions.
Based on the science of neuroplasticity and the most beneficial principles of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, neuro linguistic-programming, and cognitive behavioural therapy, RTTTM is effective in discovering the root cause of presenting issues and reprogramming the mind.
There are so many ways in which Rapid Transformational Therapy can be beneficial to those who have experienced loss:
- It helps to boost confidence and improves communication skills, including being able to acknowledge and express feelings.
- It can help you heal from past traumas and abuse.
- It helps to improve how you perceive and value yourself.
- It can help you clarify and pursue your life goals.
- It can help you overcome addictions.
- It helps to overcome anxiety, depression, insomnia, and stress.
- It helps you reprogram unhealthy eating habits and maintain a normal weight and body image.
So whilst nothing can fully take away the pain of loss and it’s important for the natural grieving process to take place, Rapid Transformational Therapy can be helpful in supporting people to feel more resourceful and able to cope with life, finding peace, acceptance, hope and releasing unhelpful feelings of guilt, shame or the emotional and physical issues that develop following loss.