When you’re in a space of finding your way after loss, it’s easy to feel like the world around you is moving on while you’re seemingly standing still. On the flip side of this, it’s also easy to start filling our time as a way of distracting from the feels and everything that’s happening.
I remember being in a weird in-between phase of feeling like my grief was settling down but not being quite ready to go ‘all in’ on the social scene. I had retreated for so long, that I didn’t even know how to create myself a “new normal”.
So my FOMO kicked in (fear of missing out), which came with heavy feelings of anxiety, guilt and shame. Guilt because I wasn’t even sure if “should” be enjoying myself and shame because I didn’t even know how to reconnect with the things I used to enjoy.
I wish I knew then, what I’m about to share with you now. Doing away with FOMO is just a simple case of reframing our inner story.
How would it be if you flipped your FOMO into JOMO? (Joy of missing out). This isn’t a new one – I don’t even know who ‘invented’ it. But what I do know, is this is a bloody brilliant way to establish a more helpful way of thinking.
Where we choose to focus our attention, our energy flows. So if we focus on our FOMO then it stands to reason that we’re going to feel like shit and become disempowered. But flipping our inner script to the JOMO is bound to lift our mood and start taking back control over the situation we find ourselves in.
You see JOMO is about giving ourselves more time and space to better understanding our needs and the things we truly want. It’s about choosing to live in a way that energises us (by letting go of the FOMO related pressure and therefore, false happiness).
Think of your JOMO as a clever little joy generating technique which replaces the other icky feelings that come with FOMO.
Here’s 3 ways you can generate some healthy JOMO for yourself:
JOMO Generator #1: Embrace the time you have.
Ok so you’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately and you’ve let slip the things that used to excite you.
This means you’ve whittled your commitments down to the things which are super important and worthy of your time and energy. Moving away from the faffy time fillers you used to squeeze in or become distracted by, means more time to do as you choose.
JOMO Generator #2: Leaving room for spontaneity.
Maybe after recovering from loss your mood is so up and down, you don’t feel like planning in advance or you’re cramming more in because you don’t want to be on your own.
Freeing yourself up from a ton of commitments and scheduled events means more space and time for doing stuff in the moment. Having no plans means you can listen to your inner voice and hear the things you really want to do and will serve you – even when the answer is “do nothing”.
JOMO Generator #3: Practice mindfulness.
To be here in the present moment – to experience life as it is (not trying to change anything), is joy in itself.
Using all of your sense to experience the world brings connection and these are the real things we should fear missing out on.
Plus, being present enhances your creativity. Have you noticed you feel more inspired when relaxing in a hot bath or walking in nature? That’s because your mind is freer from your inner “chimp” and any external distractions.
Need some help?
Through my own painful experience of loss, I found my way to enjoying life again. I managed to use JOMO as a way of letting go and creating my “new normal”.
I’m a qualified coach but I’m also a human being with a deep understanding of grief and loss. I know all too well what the journey can be like – it’s different for each of use of course.
But I want you to know you don’t have to do this alone. Together we can navigate your way to reconnecting with yourself and rebuilding a beautiful life beyond loss.
Contact me to have a chat about how we can work together.